Mr. Narcy takes a Shit

Despite the Fireheaded's Celt's attempts to change her name to Maura Barnacle, you, reader, must not be duped by her schemes. The Celt is a master of disguise. One day, she will be in a shade of forest green, and the next day, she will be in a shade of sea foam green attempting to kill you and your little dog too. Regardless of her attempts to guise herself as a writer and describe nearly accurate realities of individuals like Yours Truly, I urge you all to remember that she, at her very core, is still the Fireheaded Celt. She is still the Celt that is preparing to overthrow the Roman Empire, the English Empire, and all other empires to further the desires of her Lord Pope, Emperor Palpatine.

First, she distracts the crowd by overwhelming them with her powers of pastiness. Refracting a combination of red light from her hair, bright glares from her claymore, and pure white from her bosom, she temporarily blinds and entrances anyone within a 30 foot radius. Once caught in this blind trance, her opponents are rendered immobile for three minutes. The Celt then chooses from her arsenal to dispose of her weakling enemies.

However, her blinding tactic proves to be ineffective, she uses her second paralysis ability. Raising her arms into the air, she releases the smell an Irish Cottage and English Breakfast tea from the depths of her armpits. This tactic is actually an illusory tactic. Upon inhaling the smell, her opponents believe they are in an alternate Irish reality, sipping tea and watching a Ballykissangel marathon. The combination of her pastiness and her Irish musk is unbeatable.

Once caught, the Celt then either hacks her opponent apart with her sword the she stole from the Highlander, or she uses her favorite weapon- her right foot.

Her right foot is unusually point and has the ability to do two things:

1) It has the ability to destroy computers - particularly Macs - with one swift kick. The Pagan energy contained in her contains the power to smash anything not containing Microsoft products.

2) It has the ability to render the individual that comes in contact with her foot completely impotent (assuming the victim is a male). You see, her foot has the natural affinity to seek and destroy the right testicle of any male with alarming accuracy. This destructive power, if not kept in check by her willpower, will actually act on its own accord.

Do not fall victim to her innocent writings. The Fireheaded Celt is a dangerous criminal with world dominating ambitions.

Her current location is in Dublin, Ireland. Be aware of her movements. At present, she is under the guise of a local journalist. Sources say that she is working with an underground branch of the IRA in order to orchestrate a Celtic Revolution. Please notify the authorities if you see a red headed irish girl that smells like tea. She is currently wanted by the CIA, FBI, M16, and M16. She has also been known to nock out her enemies with dense pieces of stale soda bread.

Good Day.